When I told my dad that I am eager to work with fellow parents and their kids, he said: but who wants to talk about their parenting challenges with a stranger? (I said, awesome question hai. I will find out and let you know!)
But the answer should be every parent. Don't you think?
So many times, I sit next to a parent of a younger child, and they would lean in and ask me questions and advice. This has happened at play zones, airports and even at our doctor's appointment.
I vividly recall a mother and her mother tearing up because their girl was prescribed glasses. They were worried and emotional. They didn't ask me because I am a doctor, a perfect parent or an expert of any kind. They asked me because they were seeking assurance from someone who is unlikely to judge, someone with reasonable experience who says 'happens to a lot of us, and it's okay..here is what worked for me.....'
Over time, I’ve known women who've been judged for wanting to spend time and energy understanding, improving and repairing their relationship with their child. Their elders would say ' we have also raised kids, it is not rocket science'. Well, It isn't, it is harder. For one, the child is made of organic tangible and intangible components. Their peers and partners are all about the internet, hacks, high expectations and comparisons.
Most parents I know therefore, seek advice from the internet and then fail to implement the unverifiable solutions there, because it is not tailored for them and no1 is helping them go step by step and make the changes they need to thrive. They often don't realise it is not their fault that the results are not coming.
Socially Speaking: The context in which we are parenting is transforming and no1 has all the answers. Many parents today are the first dual-income couple in their family and many have migrated to new places or away from family. Meanwhile many men are discovering the beauty of being a bigger part of the process and have questions. We can all agree that parenting now involves juggling more things simultaneously than ever before.
Environmentally Speaking: The pandemic has taught us that life is very unpredictable. The impact of urbanization as well as natural and manmade calamities on our lifestyles is immense. We are still figuring out what all we need to do to ensure we are safe and healthy today and also securing the future lifestyles of our children.
Psychologically Speaking: We are learning a lot about the human mind. We are trying to be mindful, breaking the generational cycle in our family. We may undermine the importance of this and the toll it takes on one’s mind but this is a huge task taken upon by many parents in order to raise more emotionally resilient children.
All in all, it is a unique point in time, where there is a lot happening. Traditional parenting wisdom is not enough to keep up with the fast changing world we live in. Some wise folks put all this together under the concept of the VUCA (volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity) world.
From deciding what to put into your child's mouth three time a day and how, to figuring out how to talk so they listen. Nothing is as simple as it was. Every parent struggles.
When your village shrinks, it becomes important to find allies and friends outside of your search engine, intentionally. That's where I come in. Share this with parents you know.
Cheers!
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